There’s many ways to say it.
“You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.” Or “I can only show you the door. You must walk through it.”
We all recognise that change should come from ourselves. That no one can change our lives for us. That the revolution must be sparked from within.
But we don’t act on that understanding. We look around. We seek a ready-made solution.
As Krishnamurti says:
“A man who says, ‘I want to change, tell me how to’, seems very earnest, very serious, but he is not. He wants an authority who he hopes will bring about order in himself.”
I’ve seen this too many times in my own life.
Someone is in trouble. I try to help. I comfort them and try to guide them back from the edge. And then they go right back to doing whatever it was that fucked them up in the first place.
There’s only so many times I’m willing to do that dance.
When someone asks for help, they don’t want help. They want someone to share the burden. Which is fine. There’s a lot we’d do for the people we love. But the problem arises when the sharing isn’t equal. When they want you to take ninety percent of the weight.
What they want is a pilot. Someone who can fly the plane that is their life.
But I don’t know how to fly your plane. I can barely keep my own off the ground.
Oliver Emberton put it nicely: “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot”
It doesn’t matter how sincere you are, when you ask for help, you better make sure you’re willing to help yourself. If you’re not then you can whine to all the people in the world, but it won’t matter. You’ll still be stuck.
Act like an adult. Change yourself. Fly your own plane.